Tuesday, August 1, 2006
EVERYBODY’S GOT SOMETHING TO RAISE HELL ABOUT. ME TOO!
Maybe it’s the heat? No, the humidity? Fatigue? A natural disposition toward bluntness? Now, that’s more like it.
Everyone has things that just drive them nuts, annoy them beyond the boundaries of mild irritation. Count me in.
These few have been festering for a while now, even to the point that I jotted them down on an index card to remind me to rant on when I could next find a piece of time to sit down and pound away.
Would someone please shove a gag in the mouth of any performer appearing in any Ford Motor Company vehicle commercial and then, lock them in a closet with Brittany Spears for life. These idiots cannot sing, they screech and I don’t give a damn about Taylorwhat-his-name’s American Idol whatever it is. Throw in the jerking camera angles, the dissonant voiceovers and the typical over the top volume surge that always accompanies these assaults and my head starts to explode. I guess venerable old FoMoCo is headed to the Detroit City dumper as baby Billy Ford tries to sell his behind the curve junk to a bunch of shower singing Belltoned yuppies. Good Luck and Good Riddance.
Just when you thought their agents had rediscovered the good sense to not overreach, I look up the other morning and find none other than the esteemed Urban Planner and Master Lecturer in Civics, Mr. Brad Pitt, sitting in a-Natch!-director’s chair fielding softball questions from a drooly, all gaga, cooing Anne Currie about how he, Mr. I Care, is donating a million dollars to help New Orleans rebuilt with-get this-Green-Friendly housing. Would someone please go get the nurse and bucket quickly! I know the ravaged citizens of N’awlens, squatting in their squalid ruins are really looking forward to the extra time it’ll take to get that Green Friendly stuff up and habitable. Where do these people get off and P.S., Brad, my man, where have you been the last few months? Oh, that’s right, hanging onto the hem of Miss Poofy Lips, all the while watching your old jettisoned squeeze Miss Anniston seize the celeb high ground while you were pretending with no success to have some expertise at empathy and midwifery. Solution? Became an expert, write a check and then proclaim same to the syncophants that used to be in the news business. Whatever happened to Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Robert Duvall? We are living know in a land of egomaniacal midgets. Movie Star, my aging fanny!
We now pause to bring a little levity. A friend sent me these-Excellent examples of a particularly American phenomenon, T-Shirt Humor.
I’m confused...No,Wait...Maybe I’m not.
EVFG
